My brother and I would listen to “Morning Rush with Chico and Delamar” at RX 93.1 in the radio and we would always laugh at the daily TOP TEN segment of the show. That was then when my brother was still riding with us to go to school. He would forcibly take control of the car’s radio and change the AM, listening to DZMM was my dad’s ritual, to the FM. I could just imagine my dad’s silent rage. But my brother could get things his way unlike me. That is why when he was heading for college, I was left with no choice but listen to DZMM to school. I tried to change it and break this morning routine but I could just not talk back to my dad. Ha-ha. I’m such a frustrated good son.
Anyway, today I have discovered this website. Who’s? Chico Garcia’s blog. Why is it so freakin’ impressive? Because he has posted the TOP TEN LISTS in his blog. I couldn’t believe it either! I’m so happy that I “discovered” it. Ha-ha! And I can’t stop laughing with the entries that have made their way onto the list. Honestly, when I read it and realized that Filipinos were actually responsible for making these jokes, I was proud! It reassured the fact that Filipinos are fun-loving and humorous! I love that about us.
Here are some of the funniest entries for their respective categories.
Everything was funny but I chose the ones that made me laugh the hardest.
I hope you’ll like it!
The Top Ten Things We’ve Said in Anger
· Shoao Da Brat - When I was being harassed by this school guard when I was in college, I blurted out: “Kung di ka pa tatayo diyan ng pitong beses kada linggo, di mo pa mapapahigop ng sabaw ang pamilya mo!” I felt so guilty afterwards.
Wendy - When my mom told me: “Why is it that your cousin does a lot better than you?” I answered: “Maybe because auntie is a lot better than you too.”
No name - My super nice but legally blonde-ish friend got into an accident. A truck smashed into her Fortuner. The truck driver didn’t take her seriously and in fact kept laughing at her because of her super kolehiyala way of talking. When they got the police station, the truck driver kept laughing and mocking her. In my friend’s anger, she screamed: “Gusto kita sampalin, but your face is so oily!!!”
No name - I told a grade one bully who bullies my grade one son: “Do you want me to kill you? Do you want me to kill your whole family? Get out of my son’s face!”
Maricon - After I learned that a “Christian” friend was telling common friends a false version of a situation that made me look bad, I told him these exact words: “For you to claim that you have Jesus in your heart is tantamount to blasphemy!”
Anyway, today I have discovered this website. Who’s? Chico Garcia’s blog. Why is it so freakin’ impressive? Because he has posted the TOP TEN LISTS in his blog. I couldn’t believe it either! I’m so happy that I “discovered” it. Ha-ha! And I can’t stop laughing with the entries that have made their way onto the list. Honestly, when I read it and realized that Filipinos were actually responsible for making these jokes, I was proud! It reassured the fact that Filipinos are fun-loving and humorous! I love that about us.
Here are some of the funniest entries for their respective categories.
Everything was funny but I chose the ones that made me laugh the hardest.
I hope you’ll like it!
The Top Ten Things We’ve Said in Anger
· Shoao Da Brat - When I was being harassed by this school guard when I was in college, I blurted out: “Kung di ka pa tatayo diyan ng pitong beses kada linggo, di mo pa mapapahigop ng sabaw ang pamilya mo!” I felt so guilty afterwards.
Wendy - When my mom told me: “Why is it that your cousin does a lot better than you?” I answered: “Maybe because auntie is a lot better than you too.”
No name - My super nice but legally blonde-ish friend got into an accident. A truck smashed into her Fortuner. The truck driver didn’t take her seriously and in fact kept laughing at her because of her super kolehiyala way of talking. When they got the police station, the truck driver kept laughing and mocking her. In my friend’s anger, she screamed: “Gusto kita sampalin, but your face is so oily!!!”
No name - I told a grade one bully who bullies my grade one son: “Do you want me to kill you? Do you want me to kill your whole family? Get out of my son’s face!”
Maricon - After I learned that a “Christian” friend was telling common friends a false version of a situation that made me look bad, I told him these exact words: “For you to claim that you have Jesus in your heart is tantamount to blasphemy!”
The Top Ten Things to Say To Someone Who Stole Your Man/Woman Away From You
· Miumiu - “Good luck with your 25-year old uncircumcised mama’s boy.”
· Gorgeous Bitch - “Hindi ka naman maganda. Siguro mayaman ka, kaya nagustuhan ka ng boyfriend ko.”
The Top Ten Most Annoying People In Your Life
· Chocomallows - My boss. He loves implementing rules, tapos pag pinaalala mo sa kanya after a few weeks, sasabihin niya, “Sinabi ko ba yun?” Grrr!
· Neodrums - My boss who scratches her butt all the time. A lot of people see her do it. The problem is, when she talks to somebody, she always shakes your hand or gives you a tap on the shoulder. Now I’m avoiding her, or when I talk to her, I make sure I’m at least 2 yards away.
· Joanna - Abusive beggars. They ask for, “pambili ng bigas”. And if you don’t give any, they will call you “madamot”.
· No name - People who text like this: “Where na u?”/”Here na me.”
The Top Ten Metaphors
· BIGGIE - Being broken-hearted is like having a broken rib. On the outside, it looks like there’s nothing wrong…but every breath hurts.
· No name - Marriage is like a fortress under siege; those outside fight so hard to get in, while those inside fight so hard to get out.
· Phambotsdad - Success is like a bus ride during rush hour; you want to get there fast, but the problem is, same as millions of other people.
· Tazme - Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy it, but don’t swallow it
· Nicole - I am just like one great movie. The problem is, no matter how great the movie may be, after the show, everybody leaves.
The Top Ten Most Memorable Texts You’ve Ever Received
· Joel Paul - “Never explain yourself to anyone because the person who likes you doesn’t need it, and the one who dislikes you won’t believe it, & the one who doesn’t care about you won’t care what you say.”
· ms_mo - A playboy died. During the mass: Priest: “He’s an honest guy, a good husband and a family man!” Wife: (whispered to her son) “Anak, tignan mo nga baka di na si papa mo yung nakaburol.”
· Jedi Master: “Beauty is only superfical. It’s the character that makes a pers0n who they really are” - motto yan ng mga PANGET!
· Joel Paul - “Never let the things you want, make you forget the things you already have.”
Top Ten Best Friend Quotes
· Dox - My friend’s girl best friend asked him, “Ilang babae na ba minahal mo?” He smiled and told her, “Bakit, ilan ka ba?”
· No name - My friend is like a sister to me and was getting tired of me being so possessive of my friends. She told me, “Remember that your friends are not only yours; they are friends of other people, too!”
· Gorgeous Bitch - My cousin/best friend once told me, “I’m just your friend, not your dad, so quit acting like a spoiled brat!”
· PHILOSOPHICAL BEAVER - While we were apart, my friend suddenly slipped into a coma due to complications from a kidney failure. When I visited her, the 1st thing that popped in my head was, “How do you say goodbye to someone who hasn’t left yet but is already gone?”
· Jr. - My best friend gave me the law of best friends: “Never make your best friend feel alone while you’re there.”
The Top Ten Dumbest Thing You’ve Ever Heard Anyone Say
· Myckle Mouse - In Wowowee, the question was: “Kung ang ’sigaw’ ay ’shout’ sa Inggles, ano naman sa Tagalog ang ‘whisper’?” The contestant answered: “Napkin!”
· Marissa - My friend said: “Ang galing ‘no, yung Ash Wednesday last year , Miyerkules din pumatak!”
· No name - Barker ng bus: Ah Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao!!!” Pasahero: “Boss, Cubao?”
· No name - An officemate of ours told us a story about driving alone in her car: “Alam niyo, pag nag-iisa ako, feeling ko…wala akong kasama…”
· Asht - I had a meeting with a friend and I noticed that both of us were wearing stripes. He suddenly blurted out: “Uy, stripes din! It’s the color of the day!”
The Top Ten Favorite Quotes
· Chloe - “Why would I avoid those who hate me, if I could make their lives miserable just by existing?”
· Joey - My wife always gets confused between a playstation & a gameboy. One day she called my son to stop playing and come down to eat. She shouted, “Hans, kain na! Tama na yang playboy!” Suffice it to say that I couldn’t breathe laughing.
· No name - Bill Cosby: “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
· Gracie - Erma Bombeck: “My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares why should you?”
The Top Ten Answers To The Question, “How Much Do You Love Me?”
· No name - “Enough for me to answer each time you ask, until you don’t feel you need to ask anymore.”
· Skinny Dipper - Back in High Sch0ol, I had a huge crush on this guy. Once, my friends asked me how much I loved him, and I said, “Kahit mabulag pa siya, maging bungal, maging lumpo, mahal ko pa rin siya.” But now, when I think about it…ewww.
· Loi Pogi - “Kahit doblehin m0 pa yang bungangera mong nanay, mamahalin pa rin kita!”
The Top Ten Poor People Quotes
· Shining - There was a janitress in our university back wen I was a student aide. She has 11 kids & I really like her 5th daughter wh0 was 0nly 6 that time. It was her bday, so my friend & I asked if she wanted to go to J0llibee w/ us, we’ll treat her. But the m0m was so nahihiya so she wouldn’t all0w the girl. Her daughter sh0uted, “sige na, para malaman ko naman ang lasa ng fried chicken!”
· Ishi - One of my suitors asked me out on a date. Sabi ko, “Sige, meet tayo sa Starbucks!” Then he said, “Ang sosyal mo naman. Alam mo yung isang tasa ng kape diyan, one week na naming pang ulam”.
· Miguel Rashid - One time after work I decided to treat 4 of my workers in a famous fastfood and ordered meals w/ burgers and fries. I noticed one of my workers only ate the fries and half of his burger. I thought he was full, so I asked, “Bakit di mo inubos burger mo, sayang yan”. He answered, “Ibalot ko na lang sir, pasalubong ko sana sa anak ko kasi matagal na siyang nagpapabili sa akin nito.”
· MT - My friend was passing through an overpass and there was this street kid asking for money but my friend couldn’t give anything coz she didn’t have change. So she just ignored him. Then the kid told her, “Babaligtad din ang mundo!”
· No name - We had a Lenten retreat last year where we had participants from different classes of society. One rich lady commented negatively on how the poor kids acted when they took 2 to 3 fruits each, when they were only supposed to get 1 each. One kid cried when she heard what the lady said and told me “Nahihiya ako kasi mahirap na nga kami, mahirap pa kami kung umasta, kaya mahirap din ang turing sa amin ng iba”.
· Miumiu - “Good luck with your 25-year old uncircumcised mama’s boy.”
· Gorgeous Bitch - “Hindi ka naman maganda. Siguro mayaman ka, kaya nagustuhan ka ng boyfriend ko.”
The Top Ten Most Annoying People In Your Life
· Chocomallows - My boss. He loves implementing rules, tapos pag pinaalala mo sa kanya after a few weeks, sasabihin niya, “Sinabi ko ba yun?” Grrr!
· Neodrums - My boss who scratches her butt all the time. A lot of people see her do it. The problem is, when she talks to somebody, she always shakes your hand or gives you a tap on the shoulder. Now I’m avoiding her, or when I talk to her, I make sure I’m at least 2 yards away.
· Joanna - Abusive beggars. They ask for, “pambili ng bigas”. And if you don’t give any, they will call you “madamot”.
· No name - People who text like this: “Where na u?”/”Here na me.”
The Top Ten Metaphors
· BIGGIE - Being broken-hearted is like having a broken rib. On the outside, it looks like there’s nothing wrong…but every breath hurts.
· No name - Marriage is like a fortress under siege; those outside fight so hard to get in, while those inside fight so hard to get out.
· Phambotsdad - Success is like a bus ride during rush hour; you want to get there fast, but the problem is, same as millions of other people.
· Tazme - Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy it, but don’t swallow it
· Nicole - I am just like one great movie. The problem is, no matter how great the movie may be, after the show, everybody leaves.
The Top Ten Most Memorable Texts You’ve Ever Received
· Joel Paul - “Never explain yourself to anyone because the person who likes you doesn’t need it, and the one who dislikes you won’t believe it, & the one who doesn’t care about you won’t care what you say.”
· ms_mo - A playboy died. During the mass: Priest: “He’s an honest guy, a good husband and a family man!” Wife: (whispered to her son) “Anak, tignan mo nga baka di na si papa mo yung nakaburol.”
· Jedi Master: “Beauty is only superfical. It’s the character that makes a pers0n who they really are” - motto yan ng mga PANGET!
· Joel Paul - “Never let the things you want, make you forget the things you already have.”
Top Ten Best Friend Quotes
· Dox - My friend’s girl best friend asked him, “Ilang babae na ba minahal mo?” He smiled and told her, “Bakit, ilan ka ba?”
· No name - My friend is like a sister to me and was getting tired of me being so possessive of my friends. She told me, “Remember that your friends are not only yours; they are friends of other people, too!”
· Gorgeous Bitch - My cousin/best friend once told me, “I’m just your friend, not your dad, so quit acting like a spoiled brat!”
· PHILOSOPHICAL BEAVER - While we were apart, my friend suddenly slipped into a coma due to complications from a kidney failure. When I visited her, the 1st thing that popped in my head was, “How do you say goodbye to someone who hasn’t left yet but is already gone?”
· Jr. - My best friend gave me the law of best friends: “Never make your best friend feel alone while you’re there.”
The Top Ten Dumbest Thing You’ve Ever Heard Anyone Say
· Myckle Mouse - In Wowowee, the question was: “Kung ang ’sigaw’ ay ’shout’ sa Inggles, ano naman sa Tagalog ang ‘whisper’?” The contestant answered: “Napkin!”
· Marissa - My friend said: “Ang galing ‘no, yung Ash Wednesday last year , Miyerkules din pumatak!”
· No name - Barker ng bus: Ah Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao!!!” Pasahero: “Boss, Cubao?”
· No name - An officemate of ours told us a story about driving alone in her car: “Alam niyo, pag nag-iisa ako, feeling ko…wala akong kasama…”
· Asht - I had a meeting with a friend and I noticed that both of us were wearing stripes. He suddenly blurted out: “Uy, stripes din! It’s the color of the day!”
The Top Ten Favorite Quotes
· Chloe - “Why would I avoid those who hate me, if I could make their lives miserable just by existing?”
· Joey - My wife always gets confused between a playstation & a gameboy. One day she called my son to stop playing and come down to eat. She shouted, “Hans, kain na! Tama na yang playboy!” Suffice it to say that I couldn’t breathe laughing.
· No name - Bill Cosby: “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.”
· Gracie - Erma Bombeck: “My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares why should you?”
The Top Ten Answers To The Question, “How Much Do You Love Me?”
· No name - “Enough for me to answer each time you ask, until you don’t feel you need to ask anymore.”
· Skinny Dipper - Back in High Sch0ol, I had a huge crush on this guy. Once, my friends asked me how much I loved him, and I said, “Kahit mabulag pa siya, maging bungal, maging lumpo, mahal ko pa rin siya.” But now, when I think about it…ewww.
· Loi Pogi - “Kahit doblehin m0 pa yang bungangera mong nanay, mamahalin pa rin kita!”
The Top Ten Poor People Quotes
· Shining - There was a janitress in our university back wen I was a student aide. She has 11 kids & I really like her 5th daughter wh0 was 0nly 6 that time. It was her bday, so my friend & I asked if she wanted to go to J0llibee w/ us, we’ll treat her. But the m0m was so nahihiya so she wouldn’t all0w the girl. Her daughter sh0uted, “sige na, para malaman ko naman ang lasa ng fried chicken!”
· Ishi - One of my suitors asked me out on a date. Sabi ko, “Sige, meet tayo sa Starbucks!” Then he said, “Ang sosyal mo naman. Alam mo yung isang tasa ng kape diyan, one week na naming pang ulam”.
· Miguel Rashid - One time after work I decided to treat 4 of my workers in a famous fastfood and ordered meals w/ burgers and fries. I noticed one of my workers only ate the fries and half of his burger. I thought he was full, so I asked, “Bakit di mo inubos burger mo, sayang yan”. He answered, “Ibalot ko na lang sir, pasalubong ko sana sa anak ko kasi matagal na siyang nagpapabili sa akin nito.”
· MT - My friend was passing through an overpass and there was this street kid asking for money but my friend couldn’t give anything coz she didn’t have change. So she just ignored him. Then the kid told her, “Babaligtad din ang mundo!”
· No name - We had a Lenten retreat last year where we had participants from different classes of society. One rich lady commented negatively on how the poor kids acted when they took 2 to 3 fruits each, when they were only supposed to get 1 each. One kid cried when she heard what the lady said and told me “Nahihiya ako kasi mahirap na nga kami, mahirap pa kami kung umasta, kaya mahirap din ang turing sa amin ng iba”.
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